The inspiration for this post came about when I went out to a popular bar in Brisbane about a month ago with some friends. We were minding our own business, clearly uninterested in socialising with people outside our group, when a bearded fellow approached us to have a conversation. I admire his courage to come and speak to a group of people he didn’t know, but a word of advice to those men: please think of a conversation topic that does not involve your beard. At least one.
Anyway, not long after this we met another gentleman who did not rock the seven o’clock shadow. But it didn’t take long before he made mention of the fact he used to have a beard. Before we knew it, he was shoving his phone in our face showing us what it looked like and was begging for some sort of praise or affirmation for his face bush.
Lately I’ve been noticing a “beard epidemic”. Now don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against beards. But what I don’t like about people my age with beards is that they think they’re god’s great gift to earth. Somehow, the ability to grow some form of a shadow on your face gives you swagger over other dudes who don’t have a beard.
I’m not trying to be rude, and I’m not trying to upset those people with beards, but I would love for you to tell me why you even want that ball of fluff on your face. From all reports, they’re itchy, difficult to maintain, and from a female’s perspective, not the best chick magnet. I have thought about this long and hard, and there are only three reasonable explanations for why any man would have a beard. And as far as I’m concerened, the only reason you would be rocking a beard is because you fall into these criteria.
If you’re homeless, you don’t have anywhere to shave your face. Nor do you have the funds to buy a razor. Your situation is difficult, and I can understand in this instance why you have a beard.
2. You are over the age of 55
Rather self-explanatory. Everyone knows that if you have a beard, you probably consider yourself to be slightly alternate. You sir, are trying too hard. In my very professional opinion, most hipsters cant even grow facial hair. They have the biggest baby face and struggle to grow a shadow on their upper lip. Probably because they’re going through that awkward phase of trying to “discover who they are.”
It could also be an Australian phenomenon. The beach look; long hair and beards. I particularly noticed it when I went to visit a friend on the New South Wales Coast at Yamba. I feel as thought it’s their way of trying to emulate the rugged beach-surfer persona. And despite what’s been said, some of those people do know how to tame the mane and can achieve their objective of looking shabby-chic-beach
Overall, I just don’t get them. I guess it’s personal choice, and I won’t judge people who do rock the face fluff. I’ve compiled a fabulous collection of my favourite beards. If we are Facebook friends and you’ve had a beard recently, you’re probably featured on here. If you want to send in any photos of your beard, I would be happy to feature them on here.